15 December 2000 Edition 14, vol 2.3 Saferoom.org

Updates on The Saferoom Project In the Rooms... Shop The Project Therapy Landscape: Personal Rituals What Our Members Are Doing Call For Submissions: ...Writers... Poets... Artists Acknowledgements About The Saferoom Project eNewsletter

Welcome to The Saferoom Project eNewsletter!! Happy Holidays!!!

Holiday Candlelight Vigil
     a note from the Editor

Each year around the holidays, most survivors have a difficult time. We ask that each of you take care of yourselves, set whatever boundaries you have to in order to be safe, and please feel free to schedule moderated chats as needed through the season in any of the forums. Even over the holidays, most of us will be online, so let's do our best to be supportive of each other, even if that just means keeping each other company...

In an effort to keep us connected through the holidays, I will be hosting a Holiday Candlelight Vigil in the main Saferoom club, at Yahoo, on Thursday 21 December, at 9pm EST. This will be a closed chat, meaning, it is not an open-topic chat. The purpose of this chat will be to foster self-preservation for the holiday season, and to try to create some of our own good traditions for the season. Everyone is invited to attend. Bring a candle, some matches and some peaceful thoughts.

My best thoughts and energy to all for the holidays. Following is a poem that I wrote in 1997, cool lament, which describes what I wanted for the holidays that year, and each year since. I wish the same for you. You can read more of my poetry at my Visual Poetry Gallery, on my web site.

c    o    o    l    lament


i want warmth
cuddled under a blanket
in speckled candlelit darkness,
cuddled with you,
drinking hot chocolate.
cold outside
snow outside
the electricity off
and the world
by its darkness
decreased to just this flickering room.
kibbie arms and tummy
and joshua foot,
while people come to get warm
with us.
they bring their blankets
and huddled they drink hot chocolate.
we play cards
with our mugwarmed fingers.
the energy of our room of
refugees fills and unites
every speckle every snowflake
until there is no more
want.


    ~cb © Oct, 1997

Updates on The Saferoom Project....

Site Awards
Please take a moment to visit Lesbian Friends in Recovery, who awarded The Saferoom Project Featured Site of the Month for November, 2000. Their site has diverse gay and lesbian resources, and hosts several different support forums. We would like to thank the site hosts for the kind gesture, and for the fabulous work they are doing in their forums. =)

Saferoom.org...
Our website, Saferoom.org, has undergone a few changes, with new additions to the Gallery, and Links page. As well, a lot of members have requested clarification on guidelines for The Project, and these have been added to the web site as well. Keep checking back to see what we're doing--the site is always growing!

SRPPartners
All partners, family, friends and supporters of survivors are invited to join the Yahoo SRP Partners, and the Delphi SRP Partners forums.

SRP Private Chat
We host a private channel on IRC, #Saferoom, located at irc.webmagik.net . You can access our channel via mIRC, or another client configured to access IRC, or by using a telnet application (for the techies ;). You can download mIRC and other IRC clients of your choice at IRC Clients.

SRP Webring :(
We have finished the Yahoo integration of our Web Ring, and we're not satisfied with it at all. Most likely, we will be changing the ring over under a new host, so we ask that no one submit to the ring queue for now. When we have new details on where we will host the ring, they will be passed on ASAP. Nonetheless, please feel free to stop by and see what Rings We Are Members Of.

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Calling for Volunteers...

There are several things in The Project that are in dire need of volunteers at the moment.

Anyone who is interested in writing for the SRPeNews, please contact the SRP Editor. The eNews is looking for regular features writers, news writers, book reviewers, and correspondents to cover events in each forum of The Project.

All of the forums are in constant need of chat moderators, particularly this time of year. If you would like to moderate a chat at Yahoo, Delphi, Excite, IRC, or over ICQ, please let a founder know.

As always, thank you for your support!

Shop The Project Most of you are already aware that you can donate funds to The Project by shopping though our web site. This month we feature our affiliates Disney, and Hershey's . You can visit their sites, and make online purchases by clicking the images here. To make contributions to The Project while you shop online, visit our Shop at The Project site. All donations go to the upkeep and maintenance of our web site, hosting fees, private server, and to our incorporation and legal non-profit status application fund. If you do not wish to shop online, but still desire to donate funds to The Project, please direct these inquiries to mrs88888 and copper_beech.

Therapy Landscape... The SRP eNewsletter will include as a regular feature, different approaches in the world of therapy, known as Therapy Landscape. Watch this feature for challenges in therapy, new methods, and alternative healing resources. Any members who specialize in a field of therapy or healing are invited to submit articles on their experiences. Please contact copper_beech

Personal Rituals by oak_leef Rounding out the holiday season, one considers why we find the latter part of the year slightly more emotional and stressing. As we look over past years, we often remember rituals that families participated in that often left the holiday a negative, unsatisfying memory.  Often, we have found ourselves participating in family rituals that developed into unsatisfying interactions, that actually acted as a catalyst for disengagement and cut off, rather than one that invoked connection and positive results in and for our lives. Getting together for dinner once or twice a year, is not enough, in and of itself, to create the positive result that makes a "meaningful" ritual.  And for that matter, being around people that are unenjoyable may be enough reason to design a ritual for yourself-- creating new, deep and meaninful ways to reflect upon as your own, personal, positive experience.  Too often, when we think or hear of the word ritual, it is often seen as some sort of superstitious awe- something that is removed from the "average" person and only practiced by those who believe non-traditional methods.  However, this is not true.  One aspect of personal ritual that has been lost in modern times, is its powerful experience.  "It is one thing to know a religious or spiritual truth; it can be quite another to actually experience that truth in a deep meaningful way."  Ritual, is perhaps, the oldest, most successfully used way of bridging this gap.   Rituals are crucial to health and well being.   "We need to take an active role in designing our own ritual and be conscious of creating a positive outcome.  Ones that don't necessarily only have to be practiced on holidays, but during our daily lives as well." Here are some "guidelines" from The Intentional Family, (Addison-Wesley, 1997) William Doherty, that can perhaps be helpful in developing or designing a ritual (s) for yourself. To design a ritual for youself, first start with a goal: healing yourself healing the earth celebrating an event or achievement (no matter how "minor") seeking strength for the present or the future improving your relationship with a Higher Power or Higher Self. removing yourself (temporarily) from the hustle and bustle of life deepening your own spiritual understanding  "Next, consider the physical space you will use. This can be anything from your desk to your room to a park to a mountain retreat, depending on the ritual, your needs, and their availability to you. If at all possible designate a sacred space for the ritual. This can be as simple as envisioning a protected circle around you as you sit at your desk or closing the door of a room or as elaborate as a circle physically inscribed on the Earth or in the Air with candles or incense. The space need not be permanent--it only need last as long as the ritual itself--but make a point of designating the space as sacred when you begin and then releasing it back to the world when you are through." What will you use to assist you? Words are powerful and will work alone--but consider trying some more physical ritual elements as an addition to (or a replacement for!) the words. There are many types of ritual items that have been used over the millenia--incense, candles, flowers, stones, food, drink, clothing--when possible, always look for connections that are meaningful to you. There are many reference works on symbols that list the associations that various cultures have made with colors, scents, and shapes over the centuries. If these work for you, fine--but don't be afraid to designate your own meanings or to change them as appropriate. At different times I have used a green candle to symbolize money, jealousy, or Spring. The important thing, once again, is the meaning it has for you.  If you have little experience with these, you may feel silly when you first start. Don't. Remember that there is a very good reason that these aids have been used my many different cultures for thousands of years--they work. They can be invaluable in removing you from the world of your everyday life and involving you directly in the ritual. (In fact, it's probably true that the more awkward you feel with the "trappings", the more you need to use them.) Some "trappings" of ritual can also be constants that help you to enter into a ritual mindframe. Perhaps you always wear a specific piece of clothing or jewelry. It's fine to have constants--you may even want to repeat the exact same ritual at times--as long as the ritual does not become petrified. Once you stop thinking about what you are doing, you've simply found yourself yet another form of mundane routine. I've mentioned some of the more popular items here. But remember these are only starters. It is very important to add your own items and make your own combinations. Ritual is not a matter of reading "light three sticks of sandalwood incense and one blue candle and following the instructions. The real power of ritual comes from what you bring to it." Be on the lookout for items, words, images, etc that have specific meaning for you. If you notice a particular stone, one that seems to "speak" to you in some way or that serves as a reminder or symbol of something for you, pick it up. Use it in ritual. If you are trying to remove an emotion, influence, or person from your life, try writing the name or word on a slip of paper, concentrating all your feelings, entanglements, worries, and temptations into it, then burning it and watching the connection to you float away on the smoke. Consider the role of friends  in your ritual. Connection is one of the key elements of a positive ritual. The holidays are an excellent opportunity to invite special friends to contribute to your event. For some, their Higher Power is part of their ritual. If this is a significant element for you, bring that in, ask for the guidance of this being, for any knowledge, and even ask for other rituals that you need to observe. If you don't believe in a Higher Power, just remain open to your own intuition and insights, and incorporate them as you feel led. The making of your rituals is a work in progress. Consciously protect your celebrations from divisive tensions. Stresses will naturally occur. Keep in mind that your overall goal is to experience enough warmth and enjoyment that the end result creates a positive, changing experience. Satisfying rituals are not just a good idea. They help ensure that you can create positive, self satisfying memories that will  endure throughout your life cycle So take some time to design and carry out a ritual, no matter how short or "trivial." Have some fun with it if you like, ritual need not be serious to be meaningful. (But do remember to take basic precautions: in particular make sure that only the things you light are going to burn!) And ritual need only to be meaningful to be effective. ________ William Doherty, The Intentional Family, 1997. *To purchase any of the books referenced in this article and donate profits to The Project, click on their associated images above, or visit the shopping page at our web site, Saferoom.org and enter them into the search box for Amazon.com .

...Writers ... Poets ... Artists

So many years pass by
Like driving down
A quiet country back road
Not travelled enough
To be remembered
But once in a while
You can't help
Stumbling onto it
And as the memories
Come flooding back
I must stop for a minute
To catch my breath.

What our members are doing...

All of the following information has been included at the request of the forum owners, who are members of a forum in The Saferoom Project. These forums are NOT part of The Project, and operate under different administrative requirements for membership. If you have a forum that you would like to have announced in the SRP eNewsletter, please send the information that you would like included to the Editor. We ask that you NOT use The Saferoom Project post boards or mailing list to announce other forums. Thank you!

Forums run by SR members
Soul Survivors Sanctuary Spiritual Survival Truth's Homepage SpiritQuest	Soul Survivor Sanctuary is a nondenominational club for survivors of sexual abuse to work together to reclaim their spiritual identity. Any belief system is welcome as long as you are nonjudgemental to the beliefs of others. This forum is located at Yahoo. Spiritual Survival is a discussion mailing list based at Onelist, focusing on healing methods, providing thought-provoking sharing for daily spiritual health. Contact truthsayer62 for more information. Also, visit Truth's pages to learn more about her.
	Rainbow Hope is a support and information website for lesbian survivors and their loved ones. There are a number of issues that affect lesbians survivors in a special manner-- family conflicts, partner relationships and acceptance of your sexual identity are some of them. There's no reason to feel alone on these issues-- that's why Rainbow Hope exists! Contact RainbowHope for more information.
Soul Survivor Forum	This forum is for adults, over the age of 21, who wish to focus on alternative methods of healing. There are both post board and chat formats. Contact copper_beech for more information.
SRP Round Robin Weekly Chat	Hosted by copper_beech and oak_leef, Wednesdays at 9pm EST. This chat is a closed on-topic chat, open to all SRP members. With a support group format, each week we focus on a specific topic, some carried over week-to-week. All are welcome to attend, though we ask that you please be on time, and honor the chat format. Current topic: Spirituality. Virtual snacks abound.
POSitive Partners of Survivors	A place for the Partners of the SA to get the support they need. A place for them to vent, get advise and even some insight from Survivors. We are currently posting and we have a weekly chat as well. Contact Hrtfelt32via email for more information, or Hrtfelt32 or SilencedAngel by Messenger.
Survivor Forums with which SR Members are affiliated
	A national hotline focusing on connecting survivors with intervention, counseling, and support services. For more info, see RAINN Contacts.
SRP Partners	The SRP Partners forum, for partners, friends, and family of sexual abuse survivors, is for supporters of survivors. For more info, write macaroni_duck.
	An advocacy organization focusing on the legal penalties of sex offenders. For more info, write Sandra Corell.

Acknowledgements

The founders would like to thank everyone for their continued support and continual efforts to keep The Saferoom Project a positive, healthy, and safe atmosphere!!!

About The Saferoom Project eNewsletter

©December 2000

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