The Saferoom Project eNewsletter Edition 27, vol 3.6

15 January 2001
Edition 27, vol 3.6
Saferoom.org

Updates on The Saferoom Project
In the Rooms...
Shop The Project
Therapy Landscape: Book Review
What Our Members Are Doing
Reflection on the Con
Call For Submissions: ...Writers... Poets... Artists
Acknowledgements
About The Saferoom Project eNewsletter

Welcome to The Saferoom Project eNewsletter!!
a note from the Editor

I hope this edition finds everyone well! Welcome to all of the new Project members, as well as our vets! We've been moving at a slow pace this winter, taking some hybernation time. It's been wonderful, however, to see members in and out of the forums, and taking time to themselves. One of the unique things about The Project is that when things seem slow, it usually means that's because people's lives are more active. Remember that no matter what's going on, we're here, and we're thinking of you all!

Thank you for your continued support of The Project, and
be well!
~ copper_beech

Updates on The Saferoom Project....

Most Recent Project Addition: Forum for Rape Survivors Over the last few months,
SRP added a new forum, solely for survivors of rape. The basis for SR has always been survivors of any sexual assault, though the majority of its members are adult survivors of child sexual assault. Since there are different issues involved with the distinctions of child abuse and adult rape, we have created SRP Rape Survivors. If you are a rape survivor, please feel free to join us there, in addition to SR.
SRPPartners
All partners, family, friends and supporters of survivors are invited to join the Yahoo SRP Partners, and the Delphi SRP Partners forums.

SRP Webring!!!
In the last few months we've picked up a few new ring members, so please stop by to check out our ring. If you have a web site that you would like to include in the ring, you can submit your site info on the Ring page of our web site. From this page, you can also see the Rings We Belong To.

Calling for Volunteers...
We have several things in The Project that in need of volunteers at the moment.
Anyone who is interested in writing for the SRPeNews, please contact the SRP Editor. The eNews is looking for regular features writers, news writers, book reviewers, and correspondents to cover events in each forum of The Project. You can submit a one-time piece, or join the staff as a regular contributor.
All of the forums are in constant need of chat moderators. If you would like to moderate a general or on-topic chat at Yahoo, private Yahoo conference, Delphi, IRC, or over ICQ, please let a founder know.
As always, thank you for your support!

In the Rooms...

Moderating Chats...
Please check the calendars at each chat site, in order to keep up with scheduled chats... Several new chats have been added in the SR room since last month, and we'd like to thank those members who have given some time to keeping chat open more frequently. We have had some daytime chats (EST) added in Yahoo Saferoom. So far, only Yahoo and Delphi are voice chat enabled. If you are unsure of the location of these chats, read the FAQ at the Saferoom site. Please take some time to check out these forums and chats. And if you can give even just an hour a week to host a chat, it would be great... We really need moderators who can host for non-standard US time zones. Speak with a founder to find out how to host a chat.

Forum Glitches... New Yahoo Stuff...
Yahoo... What's new? Yahoo has been in the process of merging its Groups and Clubs forums, so that they are the same entity. As far as we know, this will not affect our forums. If we learn otherwise, we will let you know ASAP. Any complaints about Yahoo should be directed to Yahoo Forum Bugs. There are no problems being reported currently at Delphi.

Shop The Project

Most of you are already aware that you can donate funds to The Project by shopping though our web site. Very soon we will be offering some original products made by and for SRP. To make contributions to The Project while you shop online, visit our Shop at The Project site. All donations go to the upkeep and maintenance of our web site, hosting fees, private server, and to our incorporation and legal non-profit status application fund. If you do not wish to shop online, but still desire to donate funds to The Project, please direct these inquiries to mrs88888 and copper_beech.

Therapy Landscape...
The SRP eNewsletter will include as a regular feature, different approaches in the world of therapy, known as Therapy Landscape. Watch this feature for challenges in therapy, new methods, and alternative healing resources. Any members who specialize in a field of therapy or healing are invited to submit articles on their experiences. Please contact copper_beech

Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse
by Carolyn Ainscough and Kay Toon a book review by womanofcourage
This is the second part in this book review series. The portions of the book discussed here entail cover "Dealing With Buried Feelings and Memories;" Depression and Low self-esteem;" and "Feelings toward Others," Each section describes specific things you can do to work with the situations that come up based on the feelings discussed. For example in "Dealing With Buried Feelings and Memories," it discusses low self-esteem and ways to deal with anxiety, fears,and nightmares, as well as body image and sexuality. "Feelings toward Others" discusses relationships to children, mothers, and abusers.
The book talks about what happens when we bury our feelings and why we bury them. It is the one thing that as survivors we have control of in our lives. None of us like being out of control and yet when we were abused that is how we saw the abuse(meaning we thought we were the ones out of control), when truly it was our abusers who were out of control. This also was a way for us to shield ourselves from feeling anything while we were being abused.
In the past this dissociation have been helpful, but more and more survivors are finding out that this now hinders their healing process in ways they could of never known about. Memories and flashbacks seem to be a culprit in bringing back the painful reminder of the abuse. If the feelings don't surface this way then they may surface as physical and or emotional anguish. Low self-esteem seems to be a very important part in our healing. Due to the abuse we find it hard to feel good about who we are or what we look like. We either overeat or under eat causing many psychological affects that we have to learn to deal with in our healing.
For me I did not realize that I was anorexic until someone brought it to my attention. I honestly thought I was just losing weight and was happy about that. Many of my friends were afraid to tell me how I truly looked in pictures that I mailed to them for fear it would only make me want to lose more weight. I asked a very close person in my life how she truly saw me in that picture and she said I looked like a skeleton but she couldn't tell me that for fear of the affects it may have had on me at that time.
In discussing relationships with children, mothers and abusers, the book also makes good suggestions for what we can do to deal with feelings towards them. One of the exercises deals with taking a photograph of yourself at the age you were being abused and then try and recall what you were like and what you did and felt at this time of your life. As well, as what kind of nurturing did you need, as opposed to what you weren't getting at the time of the abuse.
Another suggestion they make is to carry that photograph of yourself with you and when you take it out and look at it learn to accept that part of you. A similar approach is to write a letter to that inner child and let her know that it is okay to express her feelings now she is in a safe place. Allow yourself to express all the positive and negative feelings that you had towards her. Then let the inner child respond back to this letter in anyway she would like whether it be drawing a picture, or scribbling, printing a note to allow that inner child the freedom she was denied. This may take several times until you can feel like you have truly let both you and the inner child express your inner most feelings about one another.
It is important to be honest when doing this otherwise you may feel like you are just going around in viscous cycle of letter writing. I often dialog with my inner child as well as let her scribble. Many times my T has told me that scribbling holds more information about us then we realize. Don't hold back. Let that inner child do as she wants as long as it is a safe way to deal with the feelings.
The next part of the this is dealing with abuse from mothers, which brings up the feeling of being rejected, abandoned and neglected. One of the hardest things for me in dealing with my abuse by my mother was "respect your mother and father," which is difficult to do when they didn't respect you as a child. What is your relationship like with your mother now, and what was it like at the time of the abuse ? I must say that I was and still get very angry when I think about how my mother treated me growing up. To me she was just as guilty as my father and the others who abused me. She was to protect me from harm,no not her she was to interested in satisfying her own needs. This is still a painful area for me to deal with. Sometimes in order to heal we have to cut off our relationships that we may have with our mother today. I am not saying that it has to be this way permanently. This is a choice one has to make on his/her own. For me it meant divorcing her, and even today, I struggle with abandonment issues at the top of my list.
The remaining relationship discussed in the book is that of the abuser. Due to the wide array of abusers that some of us may have it is important to look at how we saw each abuser. For instance my brother would abuse me then give me a quarter and I thought he was the greatest person on this Earth, because I could take that quarter and go buy penny fish with it. The one thing I did not know was that what he was doing to me was wrong. My grandfather would buy me pretty dresses or take me to coin auctions with him I loved being with him. But, here again I did not know he was actually treating me like a prostitute. Sometimes I didn't like what he did but I never dared to tell him that. Abusers find many ways to control us, or should I say silence us. We really do need to deal with the individual abuser's manipulation: was the abuser harsh, loving or very abusive physically? It all affects your relationships with others now, and your relationship with yourself.
The foundation of these sections of the book are that although it may be painful at times to revisit these aspects of about abusive pasts, the end result can be very, very rewarding if we allow ourselves to do the work as we become ready to. Take Care of you and your inner child today. Go to the park and swing or get out the coloring book and crayons. Have some fun today with your inner child. I think I will get my BUBBLES out today and let the cat chase them that is always fun to do.

*To purchase any of the books referenced in this article and donate profits to The Project, visit the shopping page at our web site, Saferoom.org and enter them into the search box for Amazon.com . You can also purchase this reviewed book by clicking its image, above./

...Writers ... Poets ... Artists

The SRP eNewsletter publishes artwork (poem, short prose, scanned artwork) by Project members each month. Only one submission will be published each month, which will be selected by the eNewsletter editors. Send all submissions as they are to be published to eNews Editor.

What our members are doing...

All of the following information has been included at the request of the forum owners, who are members of a forum in The Saferoom Project. These forums are NOT part of The Project, and operate under different administrative requirements for membership. If you have a forum that you would like to have announced in the SRP eNewsletter, please send the information that you would like included to the Editor. We ask that you NOT use The Saferoom Project post boards or mailing list to announce other forums. Thank you!

Forums run by SR members
Soul Survivors Sanctuary Spiritual Survival Truth's Homepage SpiritQuest	Soul Survivor Sanctuary is a nondenominational club for survivors of sexual abuse to work together to reclaim their spiritual identity. Any belief system is welcome as long as you are nonjudgemental to the beliefs of others. This forum is located at Yahoo. Spiritual Survival is a discussion mailing list based at Onelist, focusing on healing methods, providing thought-provoking sharing for daily spiritual health. Contact truthsayer62 for more information. Also, visit Truth's pages to learn more about her.
	Rainbow Hope is a support and information website for lesbian survivors and their loved ones. There are a number of issues that affect lesbians survivors in a special manner-- family conflicts, partner relationships and acceptance of your sexual identity are some of them. There's no reason to feel alone on these issues-- that's why Rainbow Hope exists! Contact RainbowHope for more information.
Rape Prevention Coalition	The Rape Prevention Coalition is a new alliance of concerned citizens against rape. who are convinced that education and activism are the keys to reducing the instances of rape in our country. Contact bukey38 for more information.
POSitive Partners of Survivors	A place for the Partners of the SA to get the support they need. A place for them to vent, get advise and even some insight from Survivors. We are currently posting and we have a weekly chat as well. Contact Hrtfelt32via email or Yahoo! Messenger.
Charon's Journey	If you or someone you love is a survivor of rape or child sexual abuse, please join us at Charon's Journey...a circle of supportive survivors who are making the journey to wholeness... together. Contact bukey38 for more information.
Survivor Forums with which SR Members are affiliated
	A national hotline focusing on connecting survivors with intervention, counseling, and support services. For more info, see RAINN Contacts.
SRP Partners	The SRP Partners forum, for partners, friends, and family of sexual abuse survivors, is for supporters of survivors. For more info, write macaroni_duck.
	An advocacy organization focusing on the legal penalties of sex offenders. For more info, write Sandra Corell.

Acknowledgements

The founders would like to thank everyone for their continued support and continual efforts to keep The Saferoom Project a positive, healthy, and safe atmosphere!!!

About The Saferoom Project eNewsletter

Announcements
The SRP eNewsletter is mailed out on the 15th of every month, with pertinent information about The Saferoom Project, its affiliated resources, related forums, and events. If you would like to include an announcement in the eNewsletter, please send it to copperbeech by the 8th of each month. All other inquiries regarding writing for the eNewsletter should be directed to the same email.
Letters to the Editor
Letters to the Editor should be addressed as "Letters to the Editor", naming the article and author they are regarding. All Letters to the Editor may be retained for print in this publication. Please send them to Editor@saferoom.org.

Feel out of the loop? Read the SRP eNews Archive

Copyright © 2002 The Saferoom Project. All Rights Reserved.
All images and content of this site are property of The Saferoom Project, except where noted, and may not be reproduced without express permission. The Saferoom Project site was created and designed by The Saferoom Project, in conjunction with Database Design and Goldraven Publishing . Hosted by Xfire Software , 1999-2002.

Therapy Landscape... The SRP eNewsletter will include as a regular feature, different approaches in the world of therapy, known as Therapy Landscape. Watch this feature for challenges in therapy, new methods, and alternative healing resources. Any members who specialize in a field of therapy or healing are invited to submit articles on their experiences. Please contact copper_beech
*Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse* by Carolyn Ainscough and Kay Toon a book review by womanofcourage This is the second part in this book review series. The portions of the book discussed here entail cover "Dealing With Buried Feelings and Memories;" Depression and Low self-esteem;" and "Feelings toward Others," Each section describes specific things you can do to work with the situations that come up based on the feelings discussed. For example in "Dealing With Buried Feelings and Memories," it discusses low self-esteem and ways to deal with anxiety, fears,and nightmares, as well as body image and sexuality. "Feelings toward Others" discusses relationships to children, mothers, and abusers. The book talks about what happens when we bury our feelings and why we bury them. It is the one thing that as survivors we have control of in our lives. None of us like being out of control and yet when we were abused that is how we saw the abuse(meaning we thought we were the ones out of control), when truly it was our abusers who were out of control. This also was a way for us to shield ourselves from feeling anything while we were being abused. In the past this dissociation have been helpful, but more and more survivors are finding out that this now hinders their healing process in ways they could of never known about. Memories and flashbacks seem to be a culprit in bringing back the painful reminder of the abuse. If the feelings don't surface this way then they may surface as physical and or emotional anguish. Low self-esteem seems to be a very important part in our healing. Due to the abuse we find it hard to feel good about who we are or what we look like. We either overeat or under eat causing many psychological affects that we have to learn to deal with in our healing. For me I did not realize that I was anorexic until someone brought it to my attention. I honestly thought I was just losing weight and was happy about that. Many of my friends were afraid to tell me how I truly looked in pictures that I mailed to them for fear it would only make me want to lose more weight. I asked a very close person in my life how she truly saw me in that picture and she said I looked like a skeleton but she couldn't tell me that for fear of the affects it may have had on me at that time. In discussing relationships with children, mothers and abusers, the book also makes good suggestions for what we can do to deal with feelings towards them. One of the exercises deals with taking a photograph of yourself at the age you were being abused and then try and recall what you were like and what you did and felt at this time of your life. As well, as what kind of nurturing did you need, as opposed to what you weren't getting at the time of the abuse. Another suggestion they make is to carry that photograph of yourself with you and when you take it out and look at it learn to accept that part of you. A similar approach is to write a letter to that inner child and let her know that it is okay to express her feelings now she is in a safe place. Allow yourself to express all the positive and negative feelings that you had towards her. Then let the inner child respond back to this letter in anyway she would like whether it be drawing a picture, or scribbling, printing a note to allow that inner child the freedom she was denied. This may take several times until you can feel like you have truly let both you and the inner child express your inner most feelings about one another. It is important to be honest when doing this otherwise you may feel like you are just going around in viscous cycle of letter writing. I often dialog with my inner child as well as let her scribble. Many times my T has told me that scribbling holds more information about us then we realize. Don't hold back. Let that inner child do as she wants as long as it is a safe way to deal with the feelings. The next part of the this is dealing with abuse from mothers, which brings up the feeling of being rejected, abandoned and neglected. One of the hardest things for me in dealing with my abuse by my mother was "respect your mother and father," which is difficult to do when they didn't respect you as a child. What is your relationship like with your mother now, and what was it like at the time of the abuse ? I must say that I was and still get very angry when I think about how my mother treated me growing up. To me she was just as guilty as my father and the others who abused me. She was to protect me from harm,no not her she was to interested in satisfying her own needs. This is still a painful area for me to deal with. Sometimes in order to heal we have to cut off our relationships that we may have with our mother today. I am not saying that it has to be this way permanently. This is a choice one has to make on his/her own. For me it meant divorcing her, and even today, I struggle with abandonment issues at the top of my list. The remaining relationship discussed in the book is that of the abuser. Due to the wide array of abusers that some of us may have it is important to look at how we saw each abuser. For instance my brother would abuse me then give me a quarter and I thought he was the greatest person on this Earth, because I could take that quarter and go buy penny fish with it. The one thing I did not know was that what he was doing to me was wrong. My grandfather would buy me pretty dresses or take me to coin auctions with him I loved being with him. But, here again I did not know he was actually treating me like a prostitute. Sometimes I didn't like what he did but I never dared to tell him that. Abusers find many ways to control us, or should I say silence us. We really do need to deal with the individual abuser's manipulation: was the abuser harsh, loving or very abusive physically? It all affects your relationships with others now, and your relationship with yourself. The foundation of these sections of the book are that although it may be painful at times to revisit these aspects of about abusive pasts, the end result can be very, very rewarding if we allow ourselves to do the work as we become ready to. Take Care of you and your inner child today. Go to the park and swing or get out the coloring book and crayons. Have some fun today with your inner child. I think I will get my BUBBLES out today and let the cat chase them that is always fun to do.
*To purchase any of the books referenced in this article and donate profits to The Project, visit the shopping page at our web site, Saferoom.org and enter them into the search box for Amazon.com . You can also purchase this reviewed book by clicking its image, above./