eNewsletter                       15 December 1999                           Saferoom.org                           vol 1.3


Welcome to the holiday edition of The Saferoom Project eNewsletter!!

Holiday Candlelight Vigil

We recognize that most survivors have a difficult time around the holidays. We ask that each of you take care of yourselves, set whatever boundaries you have to in order to be safe, and please feel free to schedule moderated chats as needed through the season in any of the forums. Even over the holidays, most of us will be online, so let's do our best to be supportive of each other, even if that just means keeping each other company... In an effort to keep a positive spin on the holidays, copper_beech will be hosting a Holiday Candlelight Vigil in the main Saferoom club, at Yahoo, on Wednesday 22 December, at 9pm EST. This will be a closed chat, meaning, it is not an open-topic chat. The purpose of this chat will be to foster self-preservation for the holiday season, and to try to create some of our own good traditions for the season.

An Affirmation by mrs

Something to keep in mind for the holidays, and every day...


I realize that the rape and or sexual abuse were not my fault, I did not ask for It nor did I want it or enjoy it. I was a victim of a crime. IT WAS NOT MY CRIME IT WAS THE ABUSERS!!!

I realize this is not my dirty little secret, I did nothing wrong!!!!!

I realize that in order to heal, I must take the power back from my abusers

I realize I have Nothing to be ashamed of

I realize that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others, Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself

I realize that when I was abused as a child, I did not tell because my abuser told me not to, and since he was an adult I listened. I was afraid he would say I liked it

I realize that going thru the process of therapy is not an easy process but one that is crucial, to be able to move ahead

I realize that this is the worse thing that has ever happened to me, I must accept that, own it and heal from it

I realize that the therapist can tell you certain things and you should listen, because they have dealt with people's reactions before and we are all similar in certain aspects

I realize that what I went through was horrible, but IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE, it could always be worse

I realize it's not what things I have in my life, but who I have in my life

I realize my body reacts to all bodily functions, which is normal

I realize I did not face this then, so I must face this now

I realize I will survive this, I have already survived the hardest part

I realize it's time to stop shutting everyone out

I realize I had NO control over what happened to me

I realize that I will always have bad days, but I will have less and less of them as I heal

I realize that sometimes I can only take it five minutes at a time, that's ok, there is no rush, no timetables, and no have to's

I realize my expectations for dealing with things in my life are much too harsh, since nobody could live up to those high expectations I should not expect myself to either

I realize that even though what I went through was horrible, it is still all I have known for most of my life, so I am a bit afraid to heal and not have it in my life

I realize I have a right to be able to look good if I'd like to, that does not make me more prone to another rape, and there was nothing I could have done to stop the rape from happening, nothing at all

I realize that I am not going crazy, my reactions to things are normal

I realize that beating myself up all the time, about things I had NO control over is just a waste of my time

I realize I have the right to try and find happiness

I realize I am a good person, not bad like my abuser said I was

I realize that it is very important to find the right therapist to help you in your journey. The wrong therapist can be worse than not having one at all. It's your life, if the therapist does not help you, the way you feel you need help , get another therapist

I realize I have the right to be angry, but I don't have a right to be cruel to those I love

I realize that if you say no it should mean no, but sometimes your no goes unheard, That's because they have chosen not to hear you, not because you did not say it loud enough

I realize you can keep on going long after you think you can't

I realize it takes years to build up trust and seconds to destroy trust

I realize I need to like myself, and not to think negative thoughts about myself

I realize I am who I am because of what I've been through, and that's a good thing

I realize only I can help myself, but it's ok to reach out for help, I should not cut myself off from people

I realize I am not dirty because of things that were done to me, that my body reacted to

I realize I cannot control when I get my memories, they will come when I'm ready

I realize the harder I try to keep the lid on the bigger the pop when the lid pops of

I realize that I can't blame myself for the way my body reacted, when sexual things were done to me that I did not ask for

© 1998, Database Design Unlimited

Updates on The Saferoom Project....

Thanks to everyone for their support and patience in getting The Saferoom project established, and publicized! All of the Project is experiencing steady growth and support. For more information on all of the forums included in The Saferoom Project, please visit our web page at Saferoom.org . The Project now includes:
Please note that there is now a private Saferoom at Yahoo called SafeProject. This club is an invitation-only forum. In order to receive an invitation to this forum, you must be a survivor, you must be in good standing in all of The Saferoom Project forums, and you must submit ALL of the required information at the Saferoom Project login form, noted as the blinking text on our web page.If there are any discrepancies regarding this new forum, please direct them to a founder.

We will try to keep everyone in the loop as much as possible about the upcoming changes in The Saferoom Project. These changes include moving Saferoom.org to a new server and web hosting company. The move potentially will affect several forums, as well as the web site. We plan to move the web site over the next month, and have a new web site unveiled in early February. As always, we would like for anyone who wishes to submit literature, scanned artwork, or whatever you like for display on the web site. We plan for the site to be the central point of information about all of the forums hosted by The Saferoom Project.

Now at Saferoom.org...

As we are growing quite rapidly, and acquiring our own web space, it has become imperative that we collect funds to support the Project. SR founders have been paying maintenance fees for keeping the site and web ring hosted, and members can now contribute to this fund by doing their online shopping through our web page. From our page, you can shop at Amazon.com,eToys.com and Drugstore.com . A percentage of all sales through these sites goes to the maintenance of The Saferoom Project. For part of your payment to be donated to the The Saferoom Project fund, click on the links provided on our web page, to any of these online stores.
Moderating Chats...
We would like to remind everyone to check the calendars at each chat site, in order to keep up with scheduled chats... Many members live in different times zones, and are interested in having chats at various times. We would like to request chat hosts for all SR forums. If you can give even just an hour a week, it will help tremendously... For the next couple of weeks, we would like to keep all the chats as hosted as we can... Please speak with a founder to find out how to do this... 		Yahoo Goofs...
Just a reminder that the Yahoo room has not been showing when members are in chat on the front page. If you are interested in chatting but think no one is there, enter it just to be sure...

What our members are doing...

All of the following information has been included at the request of the forum owners, who are members of Saferoom. These survivor forums are NOT part of The Saferoom Project, and operate under different administrative requirements for membership. If you have a forum that you would like to have announced in the Saferoom eNewsletter, please send the information that you would like included to copper_beech. We ask that you NOT use The Saferoom Project post boards or mailing list to announce other forums. Thank you!

Forums run by SR members

Soul Survivors Sanctuary

 This is a nondenominational club for survivors of sexual abuse to work together to reclaim their spiritual identity. Any belief system is welcome as long as you are nonjudgemental to the beliefs of others. This forum is located at Yahoo. Contact truthsayer62 for more information.
Spiritual Healing Forums These forums are for adults, over the age of 21, who have survived childhood abuse, and are ready to live again. There are both mailing list and chat formats. Contact copper_beech for more information.
Gentle Dove Studios Gari's Online Studio... To learn more about Gari and see her digital artistry, check out this fabulous site.

Survivor Forums with which SR Members are affiliated

New Hope Healing Institute

in Indianapolis, Indiana

http://www.nhhi.net

 A support program for Adult survivors of sexual abuse and trauma. Their web site has a forum for posting, and NHHI is currently looking for people to submit writings on sexual abuse issues.

Contact MicPfef@aol.com for more information.
Lorretta Woodbury Online Discussion Forum General survivor discussion panel moderated by Lorrain (in Cincy ;). Contact her at kkprncs@fuse.net for more information.

In Search Of....

...Manager

Could it be you? The Saferoom Project has long wanted to offer a general support forum for survivors, partners, friends, and family of survivors. It has become an increasingly requested resource in the Project. We envision this forum not just being for partners, but for survivors AND their supporters making it somewhat unique in inception. As you well know, our founders stay on the move; thus, are seeking a like-minded individual, who works well in a group dynamic, feels comfortable in a role of leadership, can provide a balance between the survivor and support perspective, and can devote untold hours to building and maintaining this forum with the existing SRP founders. This person can be a survivor, or supporter.
If you think this description fits you, or someone you know, please submit to The Saferoom Project, a short autobiography, outlining skills possessed for this position, background and connection to survivors and supporters. The SRP founders will review all applications for this position, and will make a collective decision on this new forum leader and founder. We plan to establish this new forum by the end of February, 2000.

...Writers

SRP is looking for 3 contributing writers to cover assigned features, news, and events articles for the SRP eNewsletter. Staff writers may also contribute original articles, subject to approval by the editorial staff. Writers will operate on a set deadline. Some assignments may involve reasearch. If interested in one of these positions, contact copper_beech.

Acknowledgements

The founders would like to thank everyone for their continued support and continual efforts to keep The Saferoom Project a positive, healthy, and *safe* atmosphere!!!

About The Saferoom Project eNewsletter

The SRP eNewsletter is mailed out on the 15th of every month, with pertinent information about The Saferoom Project, its affiliated resources, related forums, and events. If you would like to include an announcement in the eNewsletter, please send it to copper_beech by the 8th of each month. To read the SRP eNewsletter archives, go to The Saferoom Project eNewsletter Archives.

©Dec 1999